This week, a major tree-building operation took over the eastern end of one of LAs magical artificial consumption playlands. This mall, despite being called “The Grove,” is light on real in-ground trees but does have one imposing pine that it converts to something holiday-cheerful every year for the Christmas bonanza (which also features overdone sleighs, fake snow, and a full scale Santa hut constructed especially for the season). Unfortunately, during this week’s tree-building operation, I learned something highly disturbing about the Grove Christmas tree.
It turns out that LA’s most iconic tree is a real tree stump fitted with imported real tree branches that are attached with pegs. It is made of 100% real tree matter, all trucked in from different parts of a branch-producing forest of some sort. See photographic evidence below.
I’m not a great nature lover, I admit. I grew up in Manhattan, am happy to have all of my oxygen converted by trees growing out of cement, and find that without enough pollution in the air I suffer from debilitating allergies. Still, I have certain standards when it comes to trees. My main criteria is simple: I like a tree to be a tree, not a mutant item assembled using tree parts.
GROVE! What are you going to do about it? (Oh, add a flying Santa and his elves over the fountain and play schmaltzy music for months on end? Okay, I guess there is no reasoning with you.)