Today’s News, As Told By Huffington Post (11/15 edition)

The time has come for my round-up of Today’s headlines via Huffington Post.(Past Huffington Post round-ups can be found here and here.)

This week’s topics of note: More from The Grove, Pippa Middleton’s most admirable qualities, Jesus tumbles over a mountain’s edge, and more!

Doesn't this look magical and Rockefeller-like?

Grove Christmas Tree Lighting: Stars Welcome The Holidays – YES, FRIENDS, THE SAGA CONTINUES!  Sunday night, aka My Birthday, was exciting for many reasons that had to do with the celebration of me.  It was also, however, exciting for reasons more centered on the fact that at one point random explosions began to sound from all directions, causing every man, woman, and child in the area with survival instincts to rush outside and look for fire and/or death and destruction.

Consensus was eventually reached that the ruckus was being caused by fireworks, and I naturally assumed that somebody was feeling extra moved by my birthday and needed to let off a little steam.  Only later did I learn that the Christmas tree lighting ceremony was taking place at my favorite artificial Italian village, The Grove.  On November 13th, which, you’ll note is before Thanksgiving and therefore before there was any need to light a Christmas Tree, lights were lit and fireworks were fired and cheesy people with strollers were thrilled and delighted I’m sure.  The only grinch trying to stomp out the Christmas cheer was the Grove’s flagship department store Nordstrom’s, which has had a sign explaining that they do not decorate their store for Christmas before Thanksgiving.  (Those are my people.)

Now on to the story, which Huffington Post gave the front-page headline “PHOTOS: The ‘Rockefeller Center of the West Coast.’”  I do reference The Grove Tree Situation here for being a poor man’s Rockefeller Center, however I think that Huffington Post may have run a little far with the comparison.

The Grove Tree Situation, after all, is located in a random mall surrounded by parking lots and big roads with no historical value to Los Angeles and no civic life outside of strangers convening to celebrate consumerism.  Rockefeller Center is at least old and traditional and flanked by seasonal department store windows and the like.  Oh, and also, IT SNOWS THERE.

Stop trying so hard, LA.  It’s embarrassing.  You couldn’t even get any relevant celebrities to show…take a hint.  And then maybe HuffPo could take a hint from your hint and eventually lots of hinting would get accomplished and this story would disappear from the front page.  This hinting-palooza would, as an added benefit to me, allow my birthday to claim its rightful place as the most important thing that happened on November 13th.

Pippa Middleton Bravely Wears Leggings As Pants (PHOTOS) – This article appears on the front page with the frustratingly broad, non-descriptive title “Leggings As Pants” above a picture of Pippa Middleton.  It is not until you click on the link that you find out that the main point of the article, which is that Pippa is brave for wearing leggings.  Were ever standards lower?

The fact that this article involves (a) a not-real celebrity and (b) a not-real story makes it somewhat problematic as a news item already.  Then there is the fact that the whole article is just a long discussion of whether Pippa’s pants are actually leggings after all, or some combo style pant like jeggings or tight regular pants.  That really pushes it over the edge into “huh?” territory.

For interested parties, here is a full summary of the thesis: We are not certain that Pippa is wearing leggings at all, but we do know that she has tight pants on and, frankly, that is almost the same thing as standing up for your principals and staring down the barrel of a gun and facing off with the mechanisms of power and all of those things.  Pippa saves us for another day.  As the British say, “Well done, you!”

(c) Sandra Clifford / IrishCentral.com

Jesus Cliff: Woman Says She Photographed Christ On Irish Rocks – Yup, another one.  Jesus/designs that look like generic eyes and noses are noticed by people far and wide day in and day out and when a Jesusface story breaks, Huffington Post is always RIGHT THERE to report on it.

When you, a person, look at this picture of the mountain, however, what you’ll notice in the rock formations is an overwhelming absence of any facial features.  Jesus’s face is one prickly fellow.

Drag In Hollywood Films: Which Actors Did It Best — And Which Did It Worst?  – Really?  Really really?

There are a surprising number of movies on this list, all of which star a character portrayed by a man in drag (always men in drag, never women).  The two most popular character types: sassy, overweight black women and high pitched, flustered, white ladies with 80s hair.  Are actors in drag unable to tolerate un-frizzy hair?  Are women dressed as men patently unfunny for some reason?  We’ll never know.

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